What on earth do you live for?

Your commitments? Your family? Your job? Your promises? Yourself?

Almost 10 years ago, my aunt — my grandma’s sister — told me the story of her family deciding to move to the city where I was born. „When you come to Brasov from Bucharest, you enter the city on Calea Bucuresti. Back then, this street was surrounded by trees. Everywhere you looked, you saw an army of trees. Seeing this, mom decided — we need to move here”, my aunt said.

My maternal great-grandfather was traveling a lot for work at that time, and one day he took my great-grandmother with him on a work trip. „They came back home after that trip, and the next time my father had to come to Brasov for work, mom packed everything and we all moved there”.

This was somewhere in the forties or early fifties. And because this happened, my maternal grandmother came to Brasov, she met my grandfather, got married, had my mom, and, well, somehow at some point someone also wanted me to arrive in Brasov at the beginning of ’92.

What did my aunt and grandma’s parents live for? Finding a place that was ok for them to settle down? Having a life in a nice city, with their three daughters and some of their extended family? Offering their daughters more opportunities for growing up nicely in a city that probably offered them more perspectives for the future? Maybe all of them. Maybe none really.

In another story, the other part of my family, my father’s family, who was already settled in my hometown for years, were living in an old house close to the forest, in one of the largest (and pretty dangerous back then, I would say) neighborhoods in the city. My great-grandfather planted a tree in their yard, a tree that became a main „attraction” when you visit our home even in today’s times. The huge tree that we have today is my favorite part of the yard. And one of our cats’ favorite part, as well.

At some point, my paternal grandfather met my paternal grandma (who moved to Brasov from a tiny, tiny village in Mures county), they got married, had my dad and, well, somehow at some point someone also wanted me to arrive in Brasov at the beginning of ’92.

What did my dad’s grandfather live for? Leaving behind a house that he built himself? Leaving behind a ton of extremely old stuff that we sometimes find in the attic even today? Leaving behind his name? And maybe he had so many other reasons of which we have no idea about.

I sometimes think about these background stories of my family. And I thought more about it this year, with all the craziness and uncertainty that punched us all.

Every time I go home, I look at that huge tree we have in our yard and I wonder how old is it? I tried to find out, nobody seems to know an exact time when it was planted, but I’m still investigating.

I look at that tree and I wonder how many people, stories, fights, memories, changes it has witnessed during all these years?

That tree got to know most of the family, from both my mom’s and my dad’s side. It was there when my dad was born, when my grandfather was born, when my mom and her family entered the scenario, when I was born, when my brother was born, when we grew up, when I left home, every time I returned home for visits or holidays. It was there when we had snow in Brasov in October and when we didn’t have snow at all. It was there to cover us when it rained, it was there when my brother put me on the bench beneath it on the night when I first got drunk and he didn’t want my mom to see me.

I bet that tree knows so many secrets and has learned so many thoughts in the past almost 100 years, that if it could talk… well, I guess we’d all be so much richer in memories than we are today.

That old tree, my favorite part of our yard, lives for making memories of us. He may be the only one who knows what each member of my family has lived or is living for.

And in this story, at a point when I had no clue what’s next in my life, on one of my many trips back home this year, I caught myself thinking what on earth do I live for?

Then I saw our tree. And the worrying stopped. I realized that even if I may not have a clue right now, he knows. And in time he’ll let me know. That’s what old buddies do.

I had some time these past few days to think about this. I’m sure I’m not the only one out there who does. And for all those who got this question popping up, just take a breath and look around.

What on earth do you live for? Commitments? Family? Job? Promises? Yourself?

Maybe all of them. Maybe none really.

You’ll figure it out.

photo:pexels.com